Tina’s chapter in Michael Newton’s book, Memories of the Afterlife
by Tina Zion
This case study illustrates how a religious teaching can affect one’s beliefs about life and death. What we are taught as children stays with us. Fear based beliefs can be become a debilitating burden. Amy carried a burden of damnation through life that had severe effects on her. The fear of hell is common for people brought up in some religious structures and even those who were not. As this case will show, hell is a construct of Earthly teachings, not an experience found in the Spirit World.
Amy spoke in a soft voice as she sat down for the first time in my office. “I know that I am going to Hell.”
I was surprised to hear this statement from her. In spite of this declaration, Amy had no specific goals for an LBL, only a curiosity about what might happen. She was actually so matter-of-fact about her imminent damnation to Hell that I realized she had already submitted to her fate. Amy stated that she knew deep within her heart that she would have an eternal life in hell.
Since childhood Amy’s family attended a small independent, fundamental Christian church. Now 26 years old, Amy’s minister and family had convinced her that she is a sinner and is going to Hell. While explaining her church life she admitted to me that she is not yet baptized in her own church because she has failed as a Christian and is not worthy of baptism. Amy continued to explain that on her wedding day her own minister refused to marry them. She had to hire a minister from a different church. When I questioned her about this arrangement Amy quietly said that she is not a Christian because she has not been baptized. Amy cannot see any hope of ever meeting the standards of her church and minister in the future.
This young woman continued describing the heavy burden of guilt, shame and responsibility that she carried with her. “I agonize over a couple of people because they went to Hell because of me. I have guilt because I did not read the Bible to them and didn’t do my part to lead them to Christ before they died. I have always been told that it is my duty to tell people about the Bible and to teach them. You are obligated to do this for others.”
When I asked her to explain this to me, Amy continued. “He used me as an example in our church one time. The minister pointed me out to everyone in the church. When I was 14 years old, my cousin and I spent time with a boy. He was cool, 23 years old and drove a motorcycle. So we hung out with him. He died suddenly. The minister told the congregation that I should have spent the time telling him about Christ and reading the Bible to him. He said that we only have this one time in life to make it right. We have no second chances. I ran out of the church crying. I knew that it was my fault that this friend of mine was not going to heaven because I did not take the time to tell him about Jesus.”
At home Amy’s mother supported their minister’s viewpoint and reinforced this debilitating burden of shame and guilt for causing the eternal damnation of another soul. There was no way for Amy to resolve or repair her mistake. She was told she only had one chance to do right and she’d completely failed. She continued to explain that not only did she fail this man but that she has failed every person she has ever met in her life because she has not lead them to Jesus. This 14 year old girl carried this responsibility for the next 12 years of her life.
As the session deepened and she arrived at her memory of being in the womb, she seemed hesitant and fearful. Her voice often seemed childlike. She had little awareness of body choice or life plan. “I don’t like the feel of my body.” When I questioned her about the compatibility of this body and brain she replied, “I think it is angry too. It is fighting it.” She was not aware of anything else in the womb.
Amy continued back into her past life memory, but it was difficult for her to re-experience. At 12 years old, she found herself in a dress of brown rags, filthy hair and starving to death alone in a swamp outside of a small American village. She had been banished. “I just feel like I can’t go back to the town. I starve out here. I am alone. This life is just hard and lonely and there weren’t any good people there. I do not like that town, there is nothing good there. I don’t feel anything good. I don’t feel like it did anything. I can leave it.”
We moved on to her death experience. During the death transition she continued, “I am in the sky but I am looking at her body. I am still by myself but I am looking down. I am in the trees. I am mad. I am still mad.”
I asked her, “What do you think about your death?”
She replied, “Well it makes me mad too.”
Amy became more uncertain and hesitant. Transitioning into the spirit realm seemed new to her. I encouraged her to notice anything that came into her awareness. “As I moved away everything went black. Something is white and flickering. It is real white. It is dancing around and it is coming to me. It is way up ahead and I can’t make it out. It looks like it has wings. It feels like I am kind of being pulled. I could fight it but I don’t know where to go. The white light engulfs me and then moves back. It is a person. I am being pulled to outer space. (Long pause) I can’t go any farther.”
After long, long silences, Amy realized that she could not go any farther. She must go back and revisit her past life. She resisted and was angry. I helped guide her through her resistance. As she quietly hovered over her 12 year old body again, she finally stated, “I guess I need to forgive mankind. I don’t know why. I didn’t do anything. They were just cruel, ugly people. I can’t forgive them. (Long pause) This is a lesson. I’m learning how destructive cruelty and the lack of love can be. I don’t need to look at the body any more.”
Amy immediately felt a sense of freedom and lifted quickly away from Earth and into the Spirit World. “My guide surrounds me and fills me with love and contentment.” Released from that painful time she immediately discovered her soul group. Her current brother appeared as white light with some hints of blue. She never recognized the others who remain white like herself. When asked about her group she stated, “We have the same problems with people, with mankind and with forgiveness.[i] They are doing the same. I think we have a ways to go in our advancement. I am feeling some contentment but it seems like we have more to learn. They are fun. We clown around. My group just flies around space. We are not on earth but we are in our woods. It is just like being alive again. There are 4 white lights and they are laughing. I don’t know who they are.[ii]”
[i] Soul group dynamics. JS- P.259-66.
[ii] Recognition of soul group colors. LBLH- P.125-27
I asked her if the group had any goals for themselves. She quickly replied, “The Big One.” She seemed to think that said it all. When asked to clarify Amy said, “It’s all about love of people and liking them. We are not doing real well with that goal. I feel like I cannot go any farther away. I am not able to go any farther with my guide because I am not ready for it. It feels like there is something bigger. Any time I leave the lights of my group I am just in space. I feel the pull to be back with the group. I am happy there. They are familiar people.”
Amy’s voice became clearer and more confident about issues regarding her current life.
A: “I have to work at it. I have hardships but not more than I can handle. I do not like mankind. I would be content to stay where I am. No, I don’t remember choices. I don’t remember wanting this either. I have hardships, but less. I am trying to accept females, trying for fairness and to get it right. I have always been female.
T.Z.: Are you living this life according to your goals?
A: I am not doing enough with people. I need to involve myself with people. I isolate myself.
T.Z.: What are you to do?
A: What I dread the most. I am suppose to open my arms to people and embrace them and get in with them. I must learn to love and understand people.
T.Z.: What is the purpose of this particular life you are currently living?
A: To learn to love all. I am very loving but narrow. I need to be more accepting and loving of all.
T.Z.: Check with your guide to see how to attend to this.
A: The heart…….. just the heart.
T.Z.: How does the church or religion fit in with this life purpose or does it?
A: Yes it does. Not religion, but Gods church. God fits in. The creator… all for the reasons I do not understand. Creator of the earth and mankind so…….It’s just about Love that is all I can get.
T.Z.: I want you to check into the existence of Hell.[1]
A: (long pause) Hummm………I got a chill and flashes of faces. (long pause) Hummm……. But I think they are souls in torment. (even a longer pause) Hummm……….But I think now it is their own doing, their own creation. He (Amy’s guide) was showing me it is dark and cold.[2]
T.Z.: What are you to know about this?
A: (long pause) Hummm……….It is their own creation. Just like me. I am not stuck. It is their own creation. It is a lack of understanding. They just don’t get the simplicity! They just don’t get it! They just are to seek answers!
T.Z.: Where is your advancement compared to this?
A: I am far away from them.
T.Z.: How do you feel about all that you have learned?
A: I feel good. I can’t explain it. I say stuck but I am not stuck. It is about understanding but I can’t see it. It is perfect and there is more. I can’t explain it.
T.Z: Is there anything else that your guide wants you to know?
A: LOVE, LOVE, LOVE– that’s all there is………….
It is now 5 years later. Amy is 31years old. In a conversation with me she recollects her past life experience in the late 1700’s.
A: It was bad. I was a white female abused and physically abused by everyone. Similar things are still happening in this life.
T.Z.: What did you like most about the LBL experience?
A: What I liked most was seeing the other people there. I saw enough to make me a believer. There is a reason we are here. I now have peace of mind. Heaven and hell is messing people up. It is a relief to know that there is more than one chance to get it right.
T.Z.: What thoughts did you have as you listened to the recording of your LBL?
A: I had forgotten that much of this experience was between the lives here on earth and also seeing the people between the lives. For example, I was with my little brother during the LBL. He is still alive with me in this life but I remember reading in Dr. Newton’s book Journey of Souls that only part of our energy is here in this life and some of our energy remains in the spirit world. I am closer to him than anyone. He is the only person that I even recognized during the LBL. It bothers me that I did not even see my own husband.”
T.Z.: What impact, if any, did your LBL have on your current life?
A: It took a load off and it made sense. I like it and it gave a reason for us all to be here.
T.Z.: What would you say about Hell now?
A: I saw people in pain and anguish. They were in a dark place and it was cold. Faces kept coming up to me. I did not know anyone. I got the impression that they could have followed the Light. Nothing was tormenting them. They just did not follow the Light. They seemed more lost than anything. They just weren’t trying to see the Light. They just did not know. I saw a dark, cold, black place. When I realized that I was in the midst of this dark place, I stepped back. I did not recognize the faces. I just moved forward and I moved out of it into the brightness and warmth. Now I realize that the expressions on the faces were not in agony or pain. They were just confused and lost. They just didn’t know where they were or what to do.
T.Z.: When people read your story here, what do you really want them to understand from your experience?
A: I just got the impression that it is so much simpler. There is so much fighting and killing, and guilty feelings for those who have died. You make the choice. It is all so simple. I feel better about everything. I never did see my guide but a Light was leading me and I followed it.
T.Z.: Did this LBL experience have any impact in your life?
A: It was so positive. It took away guilt and relieved my conscience. I still believe in Jesus Christ but I now believe we have more than one time to learn and improve. We have more than one chance.
This young woman has been conditioned her entire life to expect the inevitable, a horrifying, hellish life after death. In spite of her lifelong programming, Amy found something else. She was comforted by a loving guide and supported by her fun seeking soul group. She experienced forgiveness and then freedom from anguish. She did not find Hell where souls are souls condemned to agony and punishment for eternity, but rather, a place where confused souls were making their own choices. Amy discovered fun, simplicity, understanding and more than one chance to learn and improve.
“Love, Love, Love………..that’s all there is…………”
[1] Soul group dynamics. JS- P.259-66.
[1] Recognition of soul group colors. LBLH- P.125-27
[1] For additional analysis about the existence of hell, purgatory, evil, solitary confinement, etc. see JS- P.49, DS- P.3, 67, 75.
[1] Darkness and cold are relative terms humans associate with their preconceptions about hell. In the early stages of their LBL sessions, some clients exhibit conscious interference with religious dogma when describing zones of self-imposed separation and seclusion form other souls.